DON'T PUSH THAT BUTTON!!!

Where in the world is Charlotte Ashlock?

2009-03-01T06:39:00.004+05:30

My best friend, Charlotte, the most amazing girl in the world and the love of my life, is right now in Africa. So that answers that question.

She's doing a semester over there. In Senegal. Beautiful country. Almost as beautiful as my girl. but not quite. Nothing is quite like her.

She's amazing. Incredible. Astounding. Adjectives fail to describe her in her totality. Let's try descriptions...

She's smart. Brilliant. More intelligent than a supercomputer. She's intuitive, methodical and incredibly creative. She's hardworking and yet extroverted. She's natural and beautiful and naturally beautiful. She has a wonderful affinity for all things wonderful. She's kind and loving and thoughtful and caring and... Ok, so I'm getting into adjectives again. She's just too good for them. She transcends words.

I met her in a Cognitive Science class. She was the one who asked about dogs' dreams. I think I fell in love with her then itself. However, I didn't realise it for a long time. See, I'm really shy about certain things, such as girls. Even so, we quickly became friends, what with her fascinating insights and wonderful visions and even her suggestion to "run away with" me (she claims that this was a slip of tounge). After a while, our friendship started to become something more... for her. See, I am blind when it comes to the machinations of girls. So while I pondered the wonders of cognitive machinery, hers was working to get me to go out with her. Ultimately, the blunt approach worked, and she asked me to meet her for lunch. I agreed to do so, not knowing anything about anything concerning her liking for me. Now, if this had been a comedy/drama, disaster would have struck and all would have ended with a fitting climax. This was not the case, so we survived the first 'date' and made it to a second with me still not knowing I was dating her. Yes, I'm that dense. Anyhow, she had to TELL me that she liked me before I caught on. I was horrified and entralled at the same time: this amazing girl likes me, but what the heck, I'm too young to have a girlfriend, aren't I?

I'm 20. So no, I'm not too young.

So I became her boyfriend. It was during a most interesting date in which she kissed me for the first time. The first kiss I've ever had in my life. After spending half an hour pretending to be interested in a book she had offered me while she snuggled onto my lap with one of her own, I asked her if I could kiss her. She didn't really say yes; she just told me that it was an awkward thing to do. So I momentarily felt heartbroken that it wasn't going to happen. Then she pulled me towards her and...

Well, we spent the next few hours making out. Rather, we spent it with her teaching me how to do it right. After that, we went on many more 'dates', which all began as 'innocent' study sessions or meals and ended as... *ahem* ...lots of fun. She taught me many things as well. She taught me how to see beauty in all things. She taught me how to care about things impractical; after all, we were all impractical at one point in time. She taught me how to love and how to make love. She taught me patience and diligence and how to have them even when depressed.

She's so amazing... and I miss her so much.

She'll be back, though, in September of this year. WHY CANNOT TIME GO FASTER?! ARGH!

Charchar, if you're reading this... <3

If anyone cares...

2009-02-22T02:36:00.002+05:30

So my girlfriend asked me to update this blog. Even though Antarctica is visited more often than it. So yeah...

Well, what's new? I'm in college, doing my Bachelor's in Neuroscience. I have a girlfriend who is the sexiest, smartest, most amazing girl in the universe... and she's in Africa right now. Damn. Thankfully, I am armed with Skype, so communication is relatively easy.

What else is new? Nothing much. Maybe I'll update this blog more often. If anyone reads it. Meh.

Charlotte, if you're reading this: <3

:D

I lost my blog

2007-09-30T11:39:00.000+05:30

OMFG. It's been a year since I last posted. Damn...

I actually *lost* my blog. Can you believe that? LOST my BLOG. As in forgot where the heck it was. Bah™...

On another note, I'm going to try blogging more often now. From now onwards, I will begin to highlight my plans on how to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

If there's anyone out there who cares, please reply. If anyone doesn't care, please do not not reply. That wasn't a typo...

Random Rant

2006-05-30T08:54:00.000+05:30

I intend to randomly rant for the next forty two seconds:

...

Ok, so that's all I could think of. Bleah to you to.

So anyways...

I wonder, what would happen if the word was flat. Would we all be able to fall of earth? Or would there be dragons who would gobble you up. But where would the dragaons be? Would they live in small caverns on the side of the world? But where will all the water go? The seawater; won't it fall on them? How will the earth stand?
I think that it's because of many large, fatty tortoises. Who need to be killed and eaten. But that's just my opinion.

Whoa, you know, I just ranted for 42 seconds! But why couldn't I do it before?

Today's moral is that if you don't think about doing something, you can do it easily. Therefore, none of you need to study for your exams.

And with no competition, I will be able to take over the world with a butterknife! MWAHAHAHcksnrgphooo...

Oops, Did that come out aloud?

I'm late...

2006-05-10T22:00:00.000+05:30

Ok, I screwed up. In many ways. Yes, it has been aeons since my last post (well, not really. An aeon is a million years). Oh well, here is what I gotta say:

Ok, so there was ISC. 11th std. Yup. Ever played the game WC3, ROC? Well, it was like what the 'C ' stands for.

CHAOS

I will not describe it. I would rather do this (See the cool pics) to myself than reveal the results.

Then I changed my board. Yes. my board. From ISC to IB. International Bacchaloriate.

Because the exams are in November, I have to do 6 months more of 11th std...

AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

Now I happen to have a day job. Internship at a fantastic political reform organisation. Antarius and I are doing this, and you can help too. Go here. India needs to change and you can help.

The job is fun, but frikkin' tiring. And mind numbingly tedious(I began a sentence with an and! SACRILAGE!!!). Don't tell my father, but after coming home from work, I want to touch his feet. How the heck can he (Or my mother; don't forget that mothers are as important! BTW: 14th may is Mother's day) do it all and more? Crazy...

Oh, and on top of that, I have SATs coming up. Now for any of you smartasses out there saying: "Oh, he couldn't handle the Indian system, so he's going in for the forgien one", just... erm... need a suitable torture... Yeah, got one - go argue with my cousin Rohit about it; that's punishment enough.

Now I'm sitting in front of my computer, staring at the screen, not knowing what else to type but this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this...

We interrupt this delay...

2006-02-11T18:29:00.000+05:30

Ok, ok...

I haven't had much time to write here, or anywhere, for that matter. However, as I should not be making excuses, it was not my fault...

Ok, that was a sad joke...

Gah™! What to write? Let me check my email to see if I have gotten any good jokes recently...

Checking, checking...

No jokes in my email? Shlipitydupping-doo! That was a new swear word I just invented.

It implies that Scooby doo has had a severe head injury...

Ok, come on, at least that was a decent joke! Yes? No? Maybe so? Aah, fuhg-ged id.

That implied that the Wizard of Id had had a severe head injury...

Ok, that was taking it too far. How about this joke:

I am an agnostic dyslexic insomniac. I was up all night wondering if there was a Dog...

Oh, come on! At least THIS was funny, nah?! At least my jokes aren't as bad as Antarius'...

PHR33D0M!!!

2006-01-24T15:05:00.000+05:30

I am FREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

ALL EXAMS IS OVER!!!

No... wait a minute... My math exam is going to reoccur, due to the fiasco described in the previous post.

It happened yesterday when our vice principal entered our class:

"Good Evening, children (It was morning). I have been feeling you (I know, that sounds wrong). I will come straight to the point. STRAIGHT THERE! (At this point, she had started screaming) STRAIGHT!!!"

"I felt that you were... broken? bad? ...after the math exam. Your feelings I felt you conveyed it all (I am quoting her word for word). So I was feeling you that you can redo the exam. Tell me... write down in me when you are wanting to do this exam, and what your portions are. Math portions... write for me! I am coming straight to the point, so WRITE ME!!! (A classmate of mine grabbed a pencil and paper and hurridly scribbled our 2/3rd year portions down)"

"Good boys (It was a girl who had written this). I told you that I felt your sadness. Now when we will have this exam? (Class answers "Next Monday") Monday? But it is already Monday! Oh, you mean next Monday? Ok (She departed and we breathed a sigh of relief)"

And the best part was that I was the one who had gone and asked the Principal for the re-exam. So I am the Hero of the Day! (Metallica™)

PJ of the week: Why is a rabid doberman like a wooden computer? Because its bark is not as bad as it's byte...

Environ-mental Education

2006-01-19T15:20:00.000+05:30

Expand the abbreviations:

CEE: Centre for Electrical Engineering

NEAC: North East Acian Comittee

Yeah, I actually wrote that on my paper today. Here's one more:

Q) Describe Effluent.
A) A person who is fluent in the language 'Ef'. Hence he is Effluent...

I am so dead...

But the rest of the paper was fine...

Gotta study for Physics tomorrow!

E = mc^2

Eedeeyut = MC Hammer

8P

Ph34r d@ Kh3m157ry

2006-01-18T18:58:00.000+05:30

Q:

What is the rate of the decomposition of 1,2,3-trinitro propan-1,2,3-ol at 500 degrees centigrade? Perform experiment.

A:

Aim: to find the rate of the decomposition of 1,2,3-trinitro propan-1,2,3-ol at 500 degrees centigrade.

Apparatus: 1,2,3-trinitro propan-1,2,3-ol, bunsen burner, test tube

Procedure: Take chemical in the test tube. Place over lit bunsen burner.

Observations: Extremely rapid reaction

Precautions: Don't try this at home

Yes, today was my chemistry paper. Although the above question didn't come (damn), we got many others.

As these exams progress, I'm slowly realising that our Vice Principal is like the boss from the 'Dilbert' comic strip.

"Students, read the questions, then answer them".

Noooooo, we're just going to answer them without knowing them: 2784; Mount Everest; The battle of Panipat; Isaac Newton... what were the questions again? 'What are the Halogens?' Damn! Got that wrong...

Anyways, chemistry was quite easy. Only mindnumbinglyvexingquestionsthattormentthesouluntilwedieofinsanity... not as bad as Hindi...

Next is EE. No, that is not 'Excruciating Ectoplasmology', it stands for 'Environmental Education'. It was a spelling mistake, they added an unneccessary 'Environ' in the beginning...

Oh, well, got to go study now...

Ai is spiking in inglush

2006-01-17T14:14:00.000+05:30

Guess who, or what or why or when or even where? Guessed? Good, now guess again.

After that highly relevent an value adding sentence, I shall be as so kind as to start todays topic.

Today we had the English Language examination. What do you think of when you hear the word English Language exam? A few years ago, I would have thought of stories and boks and writing and having my uncles and aunts telling my cousins: "Look at Abhi, he is such a dedicated student and his essays are so good" (The former of which is utter rubbish).

Anyhow, despite the fact that I am a good writer (seriously, I am, even if I'm not as good as my father...) today left me with a feeling of ph34r (Thats 'fear' for those of you who don't speak hacker...).

You see, my current English Language teacher is under the impression that the I.S.C. board does not tolerate creativity in creative writing. An impression which she enforces harshly.

For example:
1) Every narrative MUST have ONLY TWO lines of dialog in it. Otherwise you lose 10 out of 30 marks

2) Every essay MUST be EXACTLY as the question states, because "the I.S.C. enlish teachers are too dense to understand what you are writing" (I agree with her quote completely)

3) Every narrative must be the SAME AS EVERYONE ELSES (A pang of cold phy00r33 passes through me as I type this. What are we supposed to do, cheat?)

4) Despite the fact that the english essays are supposed to be corrected for grammar and sentence construction alone, the topic you write on is what decides whether you will get or lose 50% of the marks.

So much for english...

Heck, when I wrote creative essay in HINDI, the teacher was very pleased...

So anyways, I did the paper and now I am waiting for the result... This time I didn't write a narrative, I chose the descriptive...

I have a feral urge to write fiction right now...

Oh, and to keep things on a happy note, today's joke of the day:

MY ^&%&(#*&*($ ENGLISH LANGUAGE TEACHER!!!

Title with no relation to post...

2006-01-16T17:21:00.000+05:30

What happened if you crossed a constipated goose with George Bush? You would get CONSTIPATED GOOSE SQUARED!!!

I don't know why I started with that, but anyways, today was my maths paper.

Maths, the universal language, the language of numbers, numerals, equations, inequations, expressions and other weird things.

I love maths, I'm pretty good at it and today's paper was a nightmare.

It started with the falling sensation you get when you are pushed off a cliff. Falling, falling, falling... so I pulled the string on my shoulder and my parachute billowed open. A great gust of wind filled the sails and I swam merrily across the ocean of molten ice. But then my boots got stuck in a tree trunk and I fell onto a toadstool. The toad teacher was very cross with me and gave me 100 lines of jumping, which I did with ease until my hands got too tired and so I started to slide off the wing of the plane onto the moon, where I met the cow in mid-jump. The werewolves on the moon farted so loudly that I fell off in an explosion of methanol, which killed me just before I fell to my death in a sea of eubacteria.

However, the above nightmare which I had tomorrow is not half as bad as the maths paper today.

So you know what, I think I will not sleep today and do a lot oisf insnair etrhings sajgsaskj sdgfsd sdhgd aaaroritban

*BUMP!*

*My head smashes into the keyboard*

*Whoot, am I sleepy...*

Wrong Number

2006-01-15T14:05:00.000+05:30

A weird thing happened to me on friday

Friday was our Physics Practicals exam. Our class went to the lab and were all just ready to die. No, I really mean that. We were ready to collaps and die. We had woken up at 5:00 AM and then reached school at 7:00 (At least I did; I live further away from school than the rest of the FRIKKIN COUNTRY!!!). Then we went to the lab and sat in front of our equipment.

Fear coursed through us like water through a flushed toilet.

Sweat started forming on our... various bodyparts... (I have some weird classmates...)

And then, like an unholy Fury from the depths of hell, our freaky Vice Principal walked in.

"SILENCE!" she yelled. "WHO SHOUTED OUT?!" she yelled again. "STOP SHOUTING!" she screamed. Did I mention she was freaky? Crazy? Full-across-the-line INSANE?

Anyways, our Physics teacher walked in and escorted our Vice Principal out. The Physics teacher is really nice. She always listens to our doubts and has a fantastic sense of humour. However, I was still nervous.

My backbone (With half a vertebra missing) was shivering like a dysfunctional bowstring that had just fired a 5 kg arrow.

My hands were shaking like Elvis Presley doing the hokey-kokey.

My mout was dry and my skin was cold.

On an afterthought, I realised I should have not stood right next to the AC.

Three hours later, the exam was over. Wait a minute. Did I miss something?

Oh yeah, the exam...

Do you want to know how the paper was? It was soft and white and had some black lines and squiggles on it. Ok, that was a sad PJ.

The paper was actually not that difficult. Except for one thing: THE TEACHER MIXED UP ALL THE FORMULAE!

Yes, you heard that right. Instead of giving us the formula for the Bar-pendulum, she gave us the formula for the simple pendulum. She gave us the REVERSE of the formula for the coefficient of friction. Of course, as any physics student would know the formula, there did not appear to be too much of a problem in this.

Then the teacher announced: 'You must follow the paper to the letter'. Yes, we had to USE THE WRONG FORMULAE IN THE PApER!!!

It was a nightmare. The invigilator told us that if we did the paper as the paper said, we would get full marks regardless of the mistakes in the paper. That didn't fully reassure us.

Anyways, did the paper, waiting for the results...

Trinitro Toluene, help us... (TNT has become my new non-religious diety for the time being... Chemistrey is next...)

What to do...?

2005-11-29T21:09:00.000+05:30

See, I have a dilemma, I don't know what to do with this blog!!!

Dhruv is already posting the lame jokes, Madhvi, the lame stories, Sykora, the lame debate topics...

The list is endless... I want to be diffrent... I want to do something NOT lame...

So... post ideas of what you think I should do!

HI EVERONE!!!

2005-11-27T09:02:00.000+05:30

HI! I have my very own blog! This is just an introductory message I will be posting. Not much may follow it as I am:
1) No very extroverty
2) Wearing only my chaddis (Or am I...?)
3) Leaving for school... on Sunday morning (Yeah, I'm going for a quiz)

Anyhow, (I hope) this blog is going to be mainly aimed at:
1) Jokes
2) Making fun of Dhruv
3) Weird scientific theories
4) Debates and discussions
5) Making fun of dhruv
6) PJs (Druv included)
7) Tounge in cheek reviews of popular items (Movies, games, etc.)
8) Making fun of dhruv

Did I miss something? I hope not...!

Cya later, constipator...